Thought I'd post

It's been awhile since I've written. Mainly, because I've been busy with school, finishing up the post bac program...thinking of masters degree. But mostly, wanting to start teaching. Lots of good things are happening and that is promising. The biggest thing I went through was a surgery in September. I didn't realize I had an umbilical hernia. Most likely happening between the close births of my eldest daughters. This means I probably had it for about 14 years. This summer it progressed from pain to the worst pain I've had. There are specifics that I'd prefer to forget but anyone can look them up regarding a strangulated hernia. To be quite frank, all functions were going to zero and my feelings of anxiety and negative thoughts were abounding. Skip ahead to after surgery, all thoughts are optimistic, energy level is increasing to beyond my imagination and I feel like a new lease on life. It's an incredible feeling. It really does. It feels sort of like being on the edge of disappearing and then, someone (my doctors), opening up a whole new path to life. I feel very lucky and I feel that people should check for these things even more, hernias, that is. The combination of hypothyroidism and having an undiagnosed hernia seems to be what has been holding me back all these years. When I think of all the issues I went through, the impatience of some people, the cruelty of others (you would not believe how abusive people can be to those who are fat or intolerance to those who are ill), to my own intolerance of my self ( I did a fair number of angry self thoughts), my own vanity and impatience and lack of understanding and so on, I'm glad to be where I am now. I don't feel angry anymore. I feel more at ease with my self and more at peace with how things are going. I am very grateful to be alive.

If I were a doctor, I would want to be able to do this for others: Make them feel better. It's simple and so true. I hope more people, regardless of profession, try to make each person feel better. It's hard to do but worth it, even a little.

Anyway, so, that is the biggest news. For healing, I'd say, I'm about 85%. There are still twinges but my God, I can lay on my tummy mostly comfortably and not feel sick. I'm still fat but I don't care. I love me and I'm so happy to be well. <3 and="" be="" care="" center="" for="" from="" kind="" love.="" love="" nbsp="" out="" p="" self.="" self="" spread="" the="" to="" your="">

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